The Comparison Factor

Isn’t it odd that I choose to post about comparing myself to others when that’s exactly what I’m training to do?  I think that’s call IRONY.

But in all seriousness, it’s getting to that point in my training that I can’t help but look at other women who are in the same boat as me and think to myself “Wow, they are in SUCH better shape than me,” or“Okay no way my back will ever look that good,” or possibly“That chick is so much bigger than me! I feel so tiny!”   (This last one is meant as a compliment, trust me).

As someone who is trying very hard to put muscle ON, it can be quite discouraging as I scroll through Twitter and Facebook and Fitness Pages to see women showing off their hard work in the gym and showing off the guns, or their shoulders, or glutes, or abs.  And they have every right to of course!  It’s meant to be inspiring.  But at times, inspiration can lead to disappointment.  Especially if we have false hopes of looking exactly like that person we follow on social media or see on the stage at competitions.  And disappointment can be dangerous.  It can de-rail all efforts at what you’re trying to do.

So my solution to this problem has always been to bring it back home.  Bring it back to the initial goal of just getting on stage and presenting my best package.  To get up there and say “I worked my butt off for a year and here is the result.” 

It’s also important to recognize my efforts thus far.  I found a good “Before” picture that I think I need to look at to remember what I DID look like.

Well hello there belly nice to see you. At least my calves look nice.

I’m not about to say anything negative about this pic because I was (still am) healthy but clearly, there is some visible change here.  This was taken in August of 2011 so it’s old but I didn’t look too different a year later.

So when I look at this, I think now THIS is a comparison I can be happy with.

Much happier in the new bod.

Small update on the BLT Challenge from my last post:  The challenge went fantastic and I only had one cheat the night before the challenge ended.  Just a combination of emotion before Mother’s Day, good old female things, and just the fact that I was hungry and wanted something BAD.  What did I cheat with?  Organic Fruit Snacks.  Yeah, I’m a real REBEL.  

But the best part of the Challenge was the 3 other ladies on my Team.  They all live in Canada and they all rock.   We became fast friends through our daily emails encouraging each other on for these past two weeks.  What a great way to stay on track.  Who knew emailing total strangers could be so helpful?

The lesson today?  To be Encouraging, not Comparing.

5 months to go

Or 159 days to be exact.   I wanted to have a special little “anniversary/countdown/I-can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this” post at the 6 month mark but life got in the way.

So much to update everyone on starting with the most exciting news:  I have booked a photo shoot for early June.  I’m really excited about this opportunity to showcase my progress so far.  I was feeling very unmotivated in March and earlier this month and this really was the goal that I needed to kickstart back into action.  Of course the photos will be posted as soon as it’s done and available.

Secondly, I joined a BLT Challenge courtesy of Nicole from Curls & Whey Training.

What’s BLT you ask?  Well it stands for Bites, Licks and Tastes.  Those little cheats, as little as they may or may not be, do add up.  For the average person just trying to shed a few pounds, do they make a difference? I would answer that it depends.  For someone like me trying to compete and get ready for a photo shoot? They absolutely matter.  Because in my mind I might say “Just one dark chocolate square won’t hurt.”  But guess what? I don’t have just one. I might have two or three or half a bar.  So what happened to “just one bite?”  Yep, it adds up and makes a difference probably more mentally than physically.

The challenge consists of teams of 3-4 people who pay a small fee that will go towards the prizes for the winning team.  You must record every BLT you have over the course of 2 weeks.  Just two weeks.  If you do have a BLT, you must pay a $1.  What’s just $1?  Well, again, small price you might say.  But after a few bucks, they add up to more $$$ correct?  Hmmm…are you getting the point?

The challenge officially started today and so far I am at 100% compliant with my plan.  Speaking of my plan, I’m trying a new plan out from a difference coach for now.  This particular plan incorporates what’s called Carb Cycling.  Two days of low carbs, 1 day of moderate carbs and one day of high carbs.  Then you start over with your low carbs.   I’ve done it for just a week and feel incredibly better.  I’m not feeling inclined to cheat (nothing to do with the challenge), I feel fuller longer, I’m not staring at the clock wondering when my next meal will be and I feel more alert than before as well.  I’ve also changed my workouts slightly to incorporate less steady state and more HIIT.  I think the combination of both of these is starting work very well.

Speaking of temptations and lack of cheating, one of our members at the studio brought in THESE the other day.

The Devil.

Ummm…Hello there sugary deliciousness, nice to see you again. Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Home made.  Soft batched. Free.

I somehow managed to have zero of these.  But here’s the best part – I didn’t exactly want them.  Yes, I told one of my male co-workers to eat them so I wouldn’t.  Yes I smelled them.  Yes they were described to me as being AMAZING tasting.  But perhaps it helped that they were brought in to work when I was just a couple hours away from the end of my shift.  Or maybe it helped that I had JUST finished eating Meal #3.  Or maybe it was the carb cycling taking effect.  All I know is that I avoided them and they were not at work the next day to stare at me for 6 hours.

This is what we call a Non-Scale Victory, or NSV.  This was a huge NSV.

Lastly, I’ve been getting some really sweet feedback on this blog as of late and I just want to say thanks to all of you who read my stuff.  I know alot of you read it without commenting and that’s quite alright.  I’m happy to inspire as many people as I can!

Not to close on a negative note but I must share that yesterday morning I was surrounded by cancer.  Three items were on the kitchen table – The Plain Dealer, Experience Life Magazine and a letter addressed to my Mom from the American Cancer Society Relay for Life.

The Plain Dealer headline was about Cancer Clinical Trials and showed the journey of a 58 year old brain cancer patient, EL Magazine has a story about “A Healthier Way to Fight Cancer,” and lastly the piece of mail.

I hadn’t read the article in EP…I skimmed through the PD article…but I did open the letter.  I’m not sure what I was expecting to see or read but nothing could have prepared me to read the words “Dear Cancer Survivor.”

It was like a punch to the gut.  I was literally surrounded by all this literature that was a stark reminder of my Mom’s struggle and passing.

As much as it sucked to read all of this, especially at a time when I wasn’t expecting to read it, I had to look at what the message really was:

That there is hope (trials), there is a more holistic way to prevent it (integrative oncology according to the article you can find here) and there are survivors out there still raising funds for a cure (Relay for Life).

So to end on a positive note – Here’s to hope, health and happiness.

-Michelle

Interview with First Time Bikini Competitor Michelle Hogan

I recently had the pleasure of Interviewing an NPC Bikini Competitor named Michelle Hogan.  She  won 2nd place in the Women Masters Bikini Division!  This was her very first competition, not too shabby for this working Mom and Wife, right?!

As I mentioned in my last post, I really wanted to attend this show considering it is the Spring version of my fall show.  However, time/work/monetary obligations prevented me from doing so.  It’s all good though because Michelle still gets to tell HER story of how she came to the stage as well as her future plans.  Thank you Michelle for being so candid about your experience.  It is definitely appreciated!    Special shout out to her trainer at Life Time Fitness in Columbus, Brian Taylor and Ripple Swimwear for the design of her suit!

1.  What made you decide to pursue a bikini competition?

I decided to try a bikini competition for a couple of reasons. My trainer asked me last year and I turned him down. I thought it was just not my personality to do something like this. However, after working out for a year after that and watching two girls who did compete and how their bodies shaped, I was envious. I had been spending my time training for races and wasn’t happy with how I looked…at all! In the last few years I did a half marathon, an 8 hour adventure sport race which consisted of CONTINUOUS running on the beach, kayaking, mountain biking and orienteering, the Tough Mudder in Indiana in NOVEMBER! And lastly a triathlon, sub kayaking for the swim. I did extremely well in all of these, and the satisfaction of completing them was awesome. I trained hard with the help of my trainer, ran A LOT, but I still didn’t see what I wanted in the mirror. I was highly motivated by the calories burned on my heart rate monitor and sort of began to think that a good work had to burn a lot, and if it didn’t, then my countless miles of running would.

When he asked me again in January I decided to think about it, talked it over with my husband, he gave me his support and I decided to go for it.  I just wanted something different and I wanted a goal. In my last event I wrecked on my bike and was pretty badly injured. I crossed the finish with a blood gushing hand which I had ridden my bike for 10 miles with. I was planning to re-challenge myself to it again in May until I decided on the competition.

 2. What was your fitness/exercise history prior to training for this competition?  (example: running, lifting, cardio classes?)

I lifted 3 to 4 days a week and ran 2-3 days. Basically more of a 50/50 with running and weight training. When I started the training for the competition the cardio went away completely (Which I ended up LOVING) except for sprints during training and the weight training went to 6 days…also loved:)

3.  What was your family/friends reaction when you told them you were going to get in a bikini on a stage?

 

This is funny…because I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, very few people knew! This was way outside my comfort zone and I didn’t know how to describe the show to people who might not know anything about without making it sound sleazy for lack of a better word. I was afraid of judgement too. I wish it was called something else instead of a “Bikini Competition”. As I started to tell a few people I was amazed at the support and that some people knew someone else that had done one. My office got really into it and were totally cheering me on. It was great. I work out with a group of women and men and their support and encouragement was really motivating as well. Most of them didn’t even know but as I “transformed” they started to comment on how I was looking and then it started to come out.

4. Did you get a custom made suit? If so, who did you order your suit from?  Are you happy with the choice of suit?

 

I did get a custom suit from a fabulous girl, JoAnne Hopkins of Ripple Swimwear. JoAnne made me feel so comfortable and confident. It was really a great experience. I am very happy with my suit color and design. JoAnne picked the color for me because I was clueless and trusted her expertise and experience. We narrowed the colors down but she ultimately said what she thought was best.

5.  Who was your coach/How did you find him? 

I work out at Lifetime Fitness with Brian Taylor. He did my diet too. I was working out with Brian prior to choosing to do a show. He has been an amazing trainer, friend, trusted adviser. I never doubted him for one second. He told me what to do and I did it, no questions.

6. What would you say was the most challenging part of your training? (example: diet choices, getting to the gym, balancing training with family, etc?)

I like the options you list here because oddly, the diet was a piece of cake…ooh that sounds good right now:) Haha. I am a very health conscious and healthy eater so the diet wasn’t all that different. Except for one thing; I was a vegetarian.  Fish was the only thing I agreed to eat and that was hard for me. That’s a whole other blog post though. The hardest part, to answer your question, was juggling the gym, working full time as a Realtor, and my husband and daughter. It was impossible to avoid letting this competition take over. I am so lucky to have a supportive husband. And my 5 year old…she cheered my on every day! We called it my “program”. I didn’t want to use the word diet but something had to explain why I wasn’t eating ice cream and junk. So i would just say, “I can’t have that right now because of my program.” She would get a little bummed sometimes but then I would say “It’s okay, because Mommy wants to WIN”! Then she would get all excited.

7. Was there a time when you weren’t sure you wanted to keep training?  Did you ever feel a lack of motivation?

 

I never felt like I wanted to stop. I was so motivated! There was a period of a few weeks where I got really extremely busy with work and that was also right around the Spring forward time change. I was overwhelmed, but I stayed on track and got through it.

8. Did you ever experience what some would consider an “obsession with food?”  In other words, did you ever feel like you would fail or immediately gain weight if you had something “off plan?”  

I totally have an obsession with food. That was another reason I didn’t do it last year. I was way more under control for this than I would have been then. I thought about food a lot, but staying really focused on the plan made it easier, developing that new habit. It’s always in the back on my mind that I’ll gain weight, unfortunately. I think it will get easier as I keep going. I just asked my trainer for a pep talk Sunday, because of the picking and nibbling this week. A good lecture every now and then really works for me to keep me straight.

9. What was the show like? Did you find it to be well-organized?

The show was…interesting. I was so nervous and it was overwhelming. I had a friend that I trained with that is a figure competitor that not only helped me a TON before the show but also drove up that morning. She saved me, I was like a lost kitten:) After pre-judging she headed back and it was like, “ok, gotta be a big girl now and get through this.” I carried the day’s schedule around with me and looked at it about a hundred times! The makeup was a little weird for me. They put it on heavy! And the tan…well, just wait. No shame there, everyone is naked! Bending over, turning legs, raising arms. You just go with it. Standing in the tents staring at the naked person across from me was weird! Your arms are sticking out so that they don’t touch anything and you’re turning 1/4 turns every 30 seconds in the fan drying. I can only imagine what each girl is thinking, lol.

So there was one mishap with the show that happened. I was a cross-over for masters and at finals after getting my 2nd place trophy I headed off stage with the other women and the line guy was sending out Class A. I couldn’t get in the line up in time and they “scratched” me. I was really ticked and it was not how I wanted the show to end and was very conflicted. On one hand thrilled and the other pissed! They could have escorted me out to my place in line or something but no one seemed to know what to do. My name was called but I was standing behind the curtain, helpless. I ended up with 6th place but should have had 5th. I sent a professional email explaining what had happened to Dave Lieberman and Todd Pember and got a very nice and extremely apologetic call from Todd the next morning.

10. Would you consider doing another competition in the future? 

Yes! I’m competing in the Mike Francois Classic May 11th in Westerville and I’m planning to do the Julie Palmer Show in Dayton in June 1st. Then I think I will chill for the summer, enjoy the bounty of summer produce and pick back up in the fall.

11.  What advice would you give to the first-time competitor?  

If you know of someone who has done a show or even better the one you are doing, ask them for support and to come along. I had a friend who was a huge support and came to my show. That was amazing and helped me so much, and my husband as well, though he was a first-timer. Also, give yourself a meal here and there that is off the diet. I took a few throughout my training on Sundays after my 2nd leg workout day. My favorite day of the week!

12. What was your favorite part of this journey? 

My favorite part of this journey was seeing my body transform. It was so motivating.

13.  Did you seek out any information/advice before you started training from others who also competed? (Facebook pages, websites, etc?) 

I really didn’t. I just sat down and talked to a girl in my training group that has competed for some insight.

14. Any other information/experience you would like to share?

It’s almost impossible not to let this training take over everything. For me, I juggled full time work and taking care of my family and this competition was very much the center of the universe. That is something that I plan to work on now that I have this show under my belt so that my husband and daughter don’t think this is the most important thing in the world. I know my husband was frustrated at times because of the lack of “food” in the house, i.e junk, but he stuck with me and in the end was so extremely supportive and excited for me.

Also, buy quality food. Good produce, wild fish. I sought out some good spice blends for my fish that didn’t have salt that really helped flavor up my food. Look for ways to get creative. I make a fabulous protein brownie for my nighttime snack! Get good whey also.  Beverly International UMP is the BEST protein powder.

15.  Speaking of supplements, what did you take, if any, during your training?  

About three or four weeks into my diet I was complaining to my friend about my nails breaking and splitting because I was no longer having dairy. She told me about the Super Pak daily vitamin and that its specifically designed for people who do these shows, body build, etc, who are on a restricted diet possibly eliminating certain vitamins from foods they would otherwise be having, such as dairy. That helped a ton! I noticed a difference in about a week.  Sometime about 2/3 of the way to the show, she told me about 7-Keto Musclean and Lean Out, which I had read about but not ordered. So I decided to try those too! I really liked the 7-Keto because it gave me a pick me up. I don’t drink caffeinated drinks but the one thing I did not realize with the 7-Keto is that if I miss it, which I did the other day, I got a caffeine withdraw headache. Not happy about that but I do like it. I’m not sure the Lean Out really did much, but I’m still taking it

 Lastly, my trainer recommended ZMA 2000 to take at night right before bed for recovery of the muscle. I totally think it works and I take it with one melatonin at night.

Thanks again Michelle, this was very motivating for me personally to “keep going.”  I hope this interview inspires some of you readers too! 

Inspiring the Uninspired

It’s been quite the rough road for me this past month.  But with all the stress, sadness, negativity, and de-motivation, came moments of hope, renewal, reflection and restarting. 

After lamenting and complaining and having a big pity party for myself, I emailed my coach to ask for some advice.  What I needed was a short-term goal to get me through these next 3 months before my prep begins in mid-July.  It’s been suggested to me to maybe do a photo shoot, just for fun.  I have heard many women do that if they don’t want to do a competition.  Unfortunately it’s just as costly to do a photo shoot as it is to do a competition so it’s not exactly a money-saver.  BUT, it follows the same premise as a competition:  Tanning, makeup, hair, prep, purchase of clothes to wear to the shoot and most importantly, the fee for the actual photographer/session.

So since $$$ is a factor and I still would like to do the comp in October, I have just refocused and took some advice from one of my three bosses (yes I have three jobs ha!) and decided each month or every 2 weeks or whatever, I will pick a certain part of my body to actually work on.  I’m still going to focus on all muscle groups for my workouts each week but spending a little more time on the problem area(s) will be the goal. 

Plus I’m going to take progress pics every weeks instead of every 3 weeks.  It’s just another way to stay motivated and accountable. 

I love this plan already (Thanks Mark for the idea!)

If I am focused on one thing, it’s so much easier to accomplish it, right?  The same rule applies to anything in life I suppose.  Multi-tasking is the enemy.

Short term goals are good, but I was still feeling de-motivated and lazy and even irritated that I decided to train for the show.  I kept using the excuse “It’s not until October, let me just eat this crap right now, who cares!” everytime I thought about cheating.  I was taking all my emotions and putting them towards food.  I found any junk food in the house/cupboards and proceeded to devour them like never before.  Almost as if I would never eat again.  Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your attitude towards carbs) the most unhealthiest food we have in our house is Ritz crackers and Jelly.   

That didn’t stop me from eating an entire SLEEVE of Ritz crackers and an entire JAR (okay it was the small ones but still) of jelly, by the way. Several nights in a row… The guilt was minimal (I had more of an “I could care less” attitude), but the feeling in my stomach afterwards told me that was a BIT too much sugar. 

So I needed some inspiration, some motivation, something a little more tangible than just some words on a Facebook page or a quote from a book.  I really needed to get back into the spirit of things.  

Ironically, the Spring version of the competition took place this past weekend.  And one of my friends’ daughters was competing in the bikini division.  I never met her, didn’t know her at all. But I was SO excited for her!  Here was a small connection that I could latch on to.  Although I really wanted to attend the show itself to cheer on this complete stranger, I couldn’t attend.  But, speaking to my friend afterwards was great because his daughter placed 7th in her first ever competition! Talk about motivating!!!  This chick is a MOTHER and looked amazing on stage.  I gave her dad my email address so I hope to have her discuss her experience on the blog soon.

A few days ago, the pictures from the competition came out online.  Here are the links:

The NPC Natural Ohio

RX Muscle Contest Gallery

Just looking at the pics of the Figure competitors was inspiring to me.   It shows how far I have to go, but it also shows me that it’s attainable.  Kind of like looking into a crystal ball…a picture of what “could be.” 

Lastly, being on Twitter does have it’s perks.  I was able to get in contact with a woman named Callista, who is ALSO training for the same fall competition!  She just started a blog Run Lift Like a LandShark as well as an FB Page.

I couldn’t help but notice our similarities (except for that whole kid/husband/attorney thing) so I’m really excited to follow along in her journey too. 

Just goes to show when you think you’re hitting rock bottom and you’re ready to give up, there are people and things all around you to get you back on track. 

So here’s to a week(end) to getting back to YOUR goals.  Whatever they may be!

-Michelle

Random Tweet of the Day courtesy of myself: “Umm I put make-up on for the @Indians game tonight in the #SocialSuite so it HAS to stop raining. I didn’t clog my pores for nothin!” -

The game got rained out by the way; so yes, I DID clog my pores for nothing but $25 wasted on parking and an hour of sitting in a suite watching the jumbotron air two random MLB games.  Not fun.

I’ve been nominated…

So I’ve only been blogging for less than 6 months and already been nominated for a Liebster Award!  Thank you to Fe from Fe’s Big Thoughts for nominating me!

Here is what this award means in the blogging world:

The real “gist” of the Liebster Award is that there is no real award. There are no judges, no special rules. No website with an official team to congratulate you and hold your hand. It’s mostly what you want it to be. If you receive the award, you can 1) accept it and 2) pass it along. It’s that easy.

Here are the Rules of the Award:

1. Post eleven facts about yourself.

2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you and create eleven questions for people you’ve nominated.

3.Choose eleven people (with fewer than 200 followers) to give this award to and link them in your post.  ***I’m doing however many I include below!  ;)

4. Go to their page and tell them.

5. Remember, no tag backs.

Okay so 11 Facts About Me:

1. I’m a die-hard Cleveland sports fan.  This is not only a fact but a huge achievement to stay loyal to such horrible teams.  But this year seems to be our Year of Improvement so high hopes for maybe some playoffs for my Tribe and Browns.  (Not getting too excited for the Cavs…we got a few more seasons to improve).

2. I lived in Chicago for over 7 years from 2002-2009 and made friends with the 3 best friends a girl could ask for.  Although we all live in different parts of the country now, we still remain close.

3.  I have 2 nephews whom I adore and brag about any chance I get.

4. I still have a condo in Oak Park Illinois where I used to live and currently rent it out but looking for a new tenant starting in May.  Any takers?

5. I never learned to swim and would probably drown if I was thrown in a pool.  Seriously.

6. I ran one full marathon and 2 half marathons.  I would have run 2 full marathons if it hadn’t been for Chicago 2007 when they canceled the race when I was at mile 16 due to heat.  Who knew it would be close to 90 degrees in October?!

7. I raised over $2,000 for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for my marathon in 2010 in honor of my Mom and my second cousin Russ.  Russ is still doing well after getting a bone marrow transplant.

8.  I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon and would love to get there someday.

9.  I met Cookie Monster.  And he’s as awesome as you think he is.

10. I drove Tommy Lee in a 15 passenger van in Peoria Illinois when he was in town for a tv show.  I almost went down the wrong way down a one way street and he joked that I was trying to kill him.

11. I got fired from my first job when I moved to Chicago.  But as they say, “It builds character.” 

Here are the questions Fe posed to me and the other bloggers she nominated:(My answers in bold).  This totally reminds me of those old “chain letter emails” that used to be passed around when Email was NEW.  Remember those days?  Before Facebook? Ahhh memories.

What is your dream car? Gosh I’m not a big car person but I would have to say I do dig a nice convertible; who doesn’t dream about driving down the coastline with the wind in their hair? I picture myself in a blue one.

What is the fastest you have driven a car? Supposedly I was doing 80mph when a cop pulled me over.  I can’t believe I would get my Civic up that fast. But that’s probably the fastest I’ve ever gone. I’m a rebel.

Do you have any unrealized passions in your life?  Ummm YES! HA!  Entering the figure competition being number one but I would also say getting my dream job of helping people of all walks of life accomplish their fitness goals and inspire them.  Yes I’m doing that now training people and blogging etc but I would love a job that takes a more direct approach and reaches a multitude of people in various fields (going to their actual places of business and literally bringing the education to THEM).  A Wellness Director somewhere is what I would love to do.

What is your Favorite Book?: “The Hiding Place” by Corrie Ten Boom  and “The Four Hour Work Week” by Timothy Ferris

Explain a little bit why you prefer your favorite genre of music: I like all genres except hardcore rap and country.  I like to think I give any band/music group a listen before completely writing them off as something I don’t like. 

Who would like to meet in the celebrity sphere? Well 5 or 6 years ago I would say Tori Amos and I did get to meet her so that’s done.  My top three nowadays would be: From the fitness world: Phil Learney because he seems to read my mind when it comes to health and wellness and childhood obesity prevention; from the Entertainment world: Jim Gaffigan so he can just talk and make me laugh.  From the acting world: Johnny Depp because he’s hot and absolutely nuts.

Who is your hero?  That’s and easy one, Mom.

What has been your greatest struggle?  Physically when I was in the hospital 4 years ago with C-diff.  That took me a couple of months to recover and was half the reason I moved home from Chicago to Cleveland. The other half was for Mom because she was diagnosed with lymphoma at the same time.  Mentally I would say this past month was my biggest struggle – definitely sunk to an all-time low as far as motivation is concerned and my spirit in general seemed to be diffused.  But I’m getting back out of it now.

How did you decide to begin blogging?  When I made the decision to train to compete for a competition I thought this was a great way to be held accountable. I didn’t see too many others blogging about their “year” to make it to a fitness competition at the time so I thought maybe people besides my family would be interested to follow it.

What are your favorite colors?  Blue and Purple.

What is your philanthropy? I assume you mean what are my values that are important to me? Well, I would say having a spiritual philosophy is important.  I don’t see how anyone can have no faith in something or some higher power when going through a tragedy.  It definitely helps.  Also, if people just treat others with love and respect, I would think this whole world and humanity in general would definitely be restored.  Easier said than done I suppose.

Great Questions!

I need to spend the next couple days searching some other blogs to get my nominations going.

Thanks again Fe!

My Personal Creed

This post is going a bit way off subject from the theme of my blog but I’m sure you will all forgive me this one time.

The subject is writing – And yes even though this is a blog, it’s far from what I would consider writing for me.  I used to write on a regular basis.  And by write I mean writing actual words on a piece of paper with a writing utensil, not typing.  In fact it’s one of the jobs I thought I would actually have as an adult when I graduated college.  I wanted to write ads.  Even after my internship at an advertising agency I still had the “itch” to write but I suppose I had a bigger itch to move to Chicago and see what life was like there.  And writing took a backseat.

This past weekend I went on a retreat for people in their 20′s and 30′s who are going through a “Transition.”  It was advertised in my church bulletin a couple months ago and I recall telling my Mom that I really wanted to attend this retreat and she was so happy for me.

Everyone who knew my Mom, knew she always prayed for anyone in need.  When she was first diagnosed with lymphoma in 2009, she received so many cards from friends and family praying for her and sending her well wishes.  Lo and behold, months later she was in remission.  The prayers were answered.  This last time around was no different.  Cards came pouring in.  We kept all of them and I read them to her shortly before she passed at her bedside.

But what was the most amazing thing is that my Mom herself sent cards and prayed quite frequently – Thank You Cards, Birthday Cards, Just a note to say Hi cards…you name it, she sent them.

So this weekend while I was at the retreat, we had alot of quiet reflection time where we wrote answers to questions regarding the subject matter we had just heard.  Then we discussed what we thought.  Well, I didn’t do much writing at all because I did better “talking” my thoughts rather than writing them.

But then on the last day of the retreat, we were asked to write our own Personal Creed.  I sat in my room and just started free thinking…free writing?  Scribbling down some thoughts here and there and before you knew it I had a rough draft.  The rest came pretty easily to me.  So here it is!

My Creed

Sorry it’s so small but if you click on it you should be able to see it.

I’m pretty happy with it.  The best part was sharing it with my small group and getting their feedback which was all positive.  The only question I got was: “Is this how you see yourself living your life NOW? Or is it a goal of how you WANT to live your life?” 

Before she even finished the question I answered: “It’s the goal, this is how I want to live.”

I suppose it’s come full circle:  Even though I’m not at my goal yet of being “stage-ready,” I’m constantly working to get there.  As with my faith, although I am not living this Creed at this moment, I feel like I’m getting closer to it.  I would have to say Mom has a lot to do with it.   I definitely felt her presence at the retreat.

Before I end, I must share this random cute story: A co-worker of mine found my Mom’s prayer card from the wake on the seat of her car as she headed into work this morning.  Funny thing is, she has no idea how it got there.  I had given her a thank you card with my Mom’s prayer card INSIDE of it, but she didn’t even see it.  The best part is, she was having a bad day so seeing my Mom’s smiling face on her car seat gave her a little boost to her day.  My mom has that effect on people, even now.

Happy Easter everyone!

All About Mom

May 22nd, 1948 – March 10th, 2013

My Mom was my biggest fan. You can see how she commented on quite a few of my posts and was my photographer for my progress pics. She was very supportive of my endeavors and always found an opportunity to say “I’m so proud of you honey!”

Although I know she probably cringed as I became the Tupperware queen as I would leave some of my empty containers all around the kitchen, she did express to me many times how she loved that I cooked and prepared all my meals. “There’s my cooking daughter, cooking up a storm in there!” she would say.

These last few weeks of my mother’s life were especially difficult. She knew her health was deteriorating and although she said she was trying to remain positive, I think she knew something was terribly wrong. Instead of focusing on the negative feelings and the horrible things that happened, I’m trying to remind myself of all the good things that took place, especially these last three months. I can’t help but smile a little as I reflect on them today:

- I was able to make my Mom some delicious smoothies every morning, some of which she said “This is the BEST one yet!”

- When I would come home from the grocery store with food from my meal plan from my nutrition coach, she actually asked if she could eat some of it too.  It was such a joy to be able to cook for my Mom! The orange roughy I baked was her favorite by far.

- Wednesday night, just two days before she asked for hospice, she looked over at me and said “I’m tasting for something but I don’t know what…maybe some oatmeal. Do you have any oatmeal?”  DO I HAVE OATMEAL?!  I have a membership to Costco and stocked up on the stuff, I HAVE Oatmeal Mom!   She wanted butter, milk and some sugar in it.  I brought it over to her and apologized for not making it very “mushy” and instead it came out “watery.”  But she gobbled it up anyways.

-Thursday night she asked for oatmeal again.  “This time could you make it less watery?”  I whipped up the butteriest, milkiest, sugariest oatmeal anyone could ask for.  It was the last thing she ate.  I was honored to do it.

-She was able to celebrate Fat Tuesday and have a paczki with my Aunt just a couple weeks ago. She told my aunt it was “The best time I’ve ever had!”

Fat Tuesday with a Paczki!

-I drove her to my nephews basketball game a few days later which would be the last time she was out of the house.  And what a game! Triple Overtime and they won! 

- The last thing I said to her before she passed was reading to her from her own book, “A Grandma’s Book” that was given to my nephews.  It’s all about her.  I read an excerpt from her “Favorite Things.”  For those that didn’t know her, here are a few of them:

“I love my friends, I love my family, I love them more than life itself.  I love hummingbirds, I love CHOCOLATE.  Especially Lindt Truffles.  I love Tote Bags, I have about 20 of them!  …I love baking bread and giving it to my friends at holidays.  I love the smell of freshly cut grass.  I love when it’s thunderstorming outside and I’m safe and sound in my house.”

I know I’ve said it before but my Mom was simply the best that there ever was.  Her smile was the biggest, her heart was the largest, her love was the greatest.

October 17th 2012 – 42 Years of Marriage

I had toyed with the idea of throwing in the towel on this competition.  I even thought about giving up on eating healthy, on working out in general.  But after talking to my sister and a few other folks, it’s pretty obvious Mom would be PISSED if I gave up.  She’d especially feel guilty for being the REASON to give up. 

So I’m back on it today.  I started back on my meal plan a couple of days ago but today is the first full day of getting my habits back in line.  It’s rough…but it’s not nearly as rough as she had it.  I have to remind myself my Mom had quite a tumultuous 6 months.  I try to live each day for her now. I only hope I can be a reflection of what she was like.  I definitely have some big shoes to fill, I’m sure I will never fill them.  But I will try to live each day with that bright smile on my face. 

Love You Mom!

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